Occie17th

So... I'm back... not single though but in a relationship that has lasted from august till now already and that isn't about to end in the near future...

Ever been in a relation that is almost perfect... Someone who's main thought is how to take care of you, how to love you... It's amazing, really... I love how our minds connect, how there's never a dull conversation and how we've managed to to so well all these months... There are some minor issues that we both could work on but there things that can be overcome or even resolved with only a little effort... He is already doing his share.. Though sometimes I do worry... Aren't I being to self-centered... Do I give back as much as he has given me already? He does everything for me, puts me on e pedestool and I don't feel as I deserve that much honour...

He's already thinking aobut marriage and although it hasn't been my lifelong wish, I'm open to the idea and if it makes him happy, then I'll be glad to give back a little...

He is away a lot... He works abroad and usually I only see him on weekends and holidays... Now he's off to Peru for two whole months and I'm here... Alone...

Luckily, I've started school again so that combined with work gives me little time to miss him... The weekends though, is a totally different story...

I miss him, I love him and that's all I really wanted to say to y'all...

The guy I mentioned last time... well things got even better

The chats have gotten more intimate, the emotions have risen from playful to a more serious level... We both can't deny that there are no feelings whatsoever... I've gotten pictures from him (after he teased me for weeks about giving them or not) His messages on my cellphone are probably the most romantic I have ever gotten... And it's not just the kind words that touch me in those messages, it's also that he awknowledges his fears about us that makes him perfect... It's more than just words... These are genuine feelings we're exchanging.

He was so anti-internet-dating when I first met him through my dutch blog... Now he thanks the heavens for this unplanned meeting of our two souls... Perhaps I'm being stupid giving my heart out to some stranger whom I've never met but it's stronger than me...

Right now... I'm so in love that if it would turn out to be a joke I'd literally die of sadness... I'd drown in my own tears... I care for this boy... I love being in love and I don't care if other people think this is boring!

Toodles!

OK.. The situation goes like this... I've met a virtual Prince Charming... We've been chatting ever since he got my msn via a fellow-blogger he knows in person... The guy was a total fan and when I got him on my msn, we just "clicked"...

These last two days feelings have really started to sprout here with me... We have always been on the same wavelenght in our thoughts and often when I want to type something in our chats he's already typed it milliseconds before me! He think like me, has the same morals, humour... it's uncanny!

I've confessed today/yesterday night about the way he makes me feel... and he confessed that he was also struck by his emotions thusfar... We will meet eventually and I can't way for that day to come... Today I was lying on the grass just wishing we was lying next to me so we could hug!

Boy, I know you'll read this... Let's just get it over with and meet!

Loveya I think!

Just had a third date with the Druid... I got my exit queue... or at least that's how I felt it... He started talking about how he couldn't see a future boyfriend not totally be into paganisme and stuff... Ok, both worlds would eventually collide but that's not necessarily mean that's a bad thing... I felt that this could've been a special journey an experience, some exitement I've never had before(?)...
Then he started about some straight guy from his pagan-world on whom he had a crush and how that guy was soooo-his type... He also invited me to go out with him next week since he is in the mood to do some prawling, hunting for men... (That's THE thing to say when on a date, naturally)...
I kinda feel cheated on... In our chats he really gave me the expression to have 'it' for me... His textmessages on my cell were really sweet but in the end look how serious they were...

God, why am I this naïeve nice guy who really only sees good in people... Sorry, for my rambling.. perhaps I shouldn't do this but I'm quite upset... I really had a fluttery butterfly-feeling for this one and he acted like it was a mutual thing...

Grmbl.. I'm upset, sorry! All will be better by tomorrow...

Things are about to get ugly I think... I'm in my usual mess again... I have several men seeking my hand in a potential relationship...

One guy is an old flame... He's a boy with a hearing problem... When I first met him I had a major crush on him and I wanted him to be my boyfriend... At that time he wasn't ready he told me so my heart felt some pain but eventually moved on... That boy just blogged today about a hearing boy with the knowledge to do sign-language (I think that's me, but he says it isn't!) whom he has feelings for!!! The thing is... I have not reconsidered him as a potential BF... I saw him as a friend and as nothing more... I don't know if I could feel more for him again... I don't know... For now I don't have the butterflies!

Then there's another boy, who at first glance is me, but younger... We click on every level but I haven't met him yet... From experience I know that chatting and having a real-life-date are twho entirely seperate things.... On the net he's a dream... But in real life he could be a totally different person...

Then there's the druid... I've met him, twice... I'm seeing him again this sunday... I must confess that he does make my stomach turn and that every thought of him makes me feel warm and tingly inside... I even think I'm falling for this one right now... But he's taking it slow, reaaaally slow... That isn't entirely a bad thing... Slow progress allows us to reaaaally get to know one another... But I'm holding out for THE kiss... A kiss is a relevant factor in my emotional state of mind and I think I'll know for certain if my butterflies are for real when I had my lipps pressed upon his... I do hope he takes me by surprise... You know like you're in the middle of a conversation and suddenly he just stops you and gives you a slow kiss that just blows your mind...

It's been calm with the Gentleman... I don't really seek any romantical gestures with him but I do feel I can have a profound friendship with him... I was supposed to meet him last sunday but my activities on the saturday before made me really exhausted and I had to cancel on him... I really need to see him as well... See if there could be a spark there as well..

So like usual... I'm in the mess I have always been in ever since I got single again... Like I said... I'm terrible at juggling men!... I wish I could give them all a pleasing answer but I can't really... I've said it once, I'll say it again... My life's a soap opera!

I just got home from the transformer-movie and HE's still online, speaking with me as I am typing this all down... It's all very exiting...

The druid

I think this one could be a potential to more...
It's very funny... We have our very very different worlds we both live in and at first thought, joining them together will be a hellish job if we ever decide to make this fling official...
For now this is still just meeting one another, getting to know each other somewhat better... Though he has confessed in me that he thinks of me a lot and I must confess to that same crime!

And yet I wonder... Will our different worlds easily join or will they collide... Is a certain adaptation even possible or is it all just a waste of time... I have a postive attitude for this one guy... and that feeling is bigger than my worries and doubts and this is a first one as you - dear constant readers of this blog - all know from previous posts... With the others I never had that feeling like the differences could've been overcome, with this one I do have those feelings... A feeling that - despite it could/will be hard - all will end well...

Tiny insects are starting to exist and flutter in my belly and I'm enjoying it... I don't know yet where this path may lead me but it's a journey that I'm about to undertake and experience!

I met with the druid again yesterday... It was something planned at the very last moment but since we were both without plans for the day, it was the best thing for us to do... Also, this way I could get to know the druid somewhat more...

So I had to be at his place around 14h30... I "borrowed" mum's GPS and away I was... I drove with my windows wide open whilst belting along to the songs on my mp3-cd... (I don't care if people look at me funny)

I was but a few minutes too late at his place due to the fact that I had had difficulties finding my carkeys...

Anyhoo... I arrived at his place, and we first went out to get some drinks as he was out of anything but water (wich I would not have minded)... We had great conversations, we debated about our convictions concerning, vegetarians, the labeling of people, wiccan stuff etc... It was kinda fun as we both had totally different visions on the matter but we could understand why the other felt the way he did...

Afterwards we watched "Muriel's wedding" but I'm pretty sure he hated the movie... Then again... I found he wasn't paying much attention to the movie so he missed al the hidden beauty within... Movie was done so we talked some more...


We did some house-hunting togheter online and it was nice when he said things like "WE could buy that place, wouldn't WE have a nice house if WE lived there...etc"

We went out for a walk with his dogs (funny thing: he adores his dogs wich is a nice quality in a man.. But the funny thing is how the guy speaks to his dogs... He suddenly turns into Mr. Ultragay and Coochiecoo's his dogs as if they were little baby-children... It's endeering really)...

We both got hungry and went for some fastfood... Afterwards we went to his place again.. Did some more talking, picture sharing etc...

We also talked about feelings, relationships and sex... I don't really know why but suddenly I had an increased heartbeat... It was a really strange emotion wich I hadn't felt in a long way... It was sort of an exitement... Like as if you were to do a bungee-jump... Your heart beats out of fear and exitement at the same time... It was THAT what I felt... I was short of breath and when he noticed I started to feel very uneased as I didn't want him to know what emotion he had unlocked within me... Not many people can stirr my deepest emotion and it's funny that this guy, whom I've seen twice now had done so...

He sat together in the couch... We were in a hugg-couple-esque position but that was because his moving-out-roommate was coming home and he wanted to make him jealous... I didn't mind to lie with him in such a position and it allowed me to caress his shoulders and his head and stuff... It also allowed me to pinch his nipples when he teased me!!!

There was no kiss that day (wich was kinda "damn") but it didn't ruin the date/day... I left his house around 1h30AM with a hug (not even a peck on the cheek! I think he got scared with my caressing him...LOL)... Got home around 2h00am and sent him a message thanking him before going to bed...

So last friday, I had my date with the "druid"

We originally agreed to meet at 20h30 but he messaged me to meet up an hour later wich wasn't a problem at all... In fact now I had even more time to doll up myself (just kidding)

I parked at my usual place (wich seemed a killer joke to the druid and his friends later on) and I walked towards our meeting point... We messaged whilst walking and we met halfway... I am glad to say that this guy looked like his picture (unlike my first date with stalker-freak-italian-boy)... I only expected him to be taller, like a basketballer but in reality he was just a tiny bit smaller than myself, lol... I didn't mind... His light coloured eyes were a perfect distraction and later on I would catch myself staring at the back of his neck and at his lovely ass that fitted perfectly in his jeans...

So talk-wise, we hit it off immediately... We talked and talked and we went to continue our talk on the terrace of the Irish Pub in Bruges... We had the second drink inside as it was quite windy... We talked and talked about all kinds of things and it never became a bore... It was even funny when some people joined us at our table (after giving out our permission) and some conversation was exchanged... We then headed for Café Cuba wich was a melting pot of races, sexual orieantations and everything... The musique was R&B-esque and very move-able... After like 20 minutes or so his friend (Debra) and her newfound boyfriend arrived... They were a jolly couple... The guy immediately started talking... I think the girlfriend had to warm up to me because she didn't exchange much conversation with the likes of me... I think she was a bit surprised with my presence as she didn't expect me to be there as well... Perhaps she thinks I invaded some of the private space between her and the druid...Lol

Anyhoo... We did end up having loads of fun and we even went to check out the breezer-sluts at "de coulissen"... It was my first time being checked for forbidden posessions at the door... The druid gave me a ride to his car and that was it for the date... I would surely like to meet up with him again... I enjoyed his company and the fact that he is a vegetarian and has all these wiccan believes is something I could overcome...lol... Oh yeah, last thing... If you guys were to see him, you'd immediately see why this guy is my usual type of guy... Shaved noggin', tough looking exterior, not feminin in a visible way...

So that's it for now... Hope to update you soon with my dating-life!

So, it's been quiet still... But I have a date planned next friday... yippeee... Actually I had been asked out for this date, like, ages ago, but my busy schedule didn't have any open spaces at that time... But now it has and a date was set for our meeting... So this friday (last day of work before summer break) I'm meeting him (the druid) at the Ghent Festivities...

I'm very exited about ik all... I loooove meeting new people, even if it's just meeting and nothing more... I'm also not going out with any premedidated expectations or anything... I'm just looking forward to having a good time... And if the company is great, we might even do one of the daily GAY-parties @ Cocteau Ghent...

For now, I have nothing to report... Well actually I do but I have been asked to give the subject some discretion and it's a wish I'm willing to favour the guy. So sorry lads... No yummie sex-story today!!!

lol.

If it seems that I've been too quiet here, then you are absolutely right... Reason for this absence is that nothing worth mentioning happened and/or that some things require my discretion :p

Tonight I'm going to Kokorico (discotheque) and who knows what might happen, right?

On the other hand... It's been a couple of days that I'm very tired, have an unending headache and by the time it's 10pm I'm already to tired to stay awake...

Hope I can pull through tonight though... And if nothing happens tonight, perhaps I'll get some exitement the followday at the Ghent Festivities!

For now.. I'll leave you be!

Grtz

It's quite busy in BlogoSphere

I've been asked out by a fellow-blogger for a date!
I've been asked to a bbq by another blogger for a friendly-get-together (I confess I did have a major crush on him once!!!)

I didn't hear from my stalker anymore.. yippeeeee!!!
Has he finally given up? No more messages... (I got only two last week!)
I still have a date I need to set with some nice guy from the internet and I will probably see the gentleman again and I need to set things straight with Blind date guy first time I see him!

In short:

This weekend I hooked up with:

- Blind date guy on friday
- Reason-for-this-blog-series-guy on saturday (twice)
- The Gentleman on sunday

Only the latter I got a bit playful with but not to a such a big extent...
Was more of a cuddle-thing... Was really nice!

Yummie... I just had my weekly singing lesson... and in the room next to the one I take my class is a substitute piano teacher and he's dreamy... Nice proportions in his build, very cute, very well dressed, with a great sense of humor and a tiny bit of arrogance wich is simply the icing on the cake... (plus he thinks I'm a really good singer)

If only he were gay...hmm perhaps he is...lol... I didn't dare to ask... We've chatted a bit before and after class but that's it... Perhaps I should ask my teacher about his marital status tomorrow when the class-recital takes place...hehe

Damn... come to think of it... I should of photographed him with my cell...

Lol... Well there will always be the memory...

haha

I'm still in a personal mess but that's mostly because of my own doing...

I've been meeting Blind-date-guy for a couple of weeks.. I say meet because it doesn't feel like dating and that's part of the problem.

On paper he could be the ideal Mr Wright... He's from the right social class, he's very social, not bad-looking, etc... but the one thing I miss is that gutt-feeling... Call them butterflies, whatever, I just don't feel them flutter and fiddle in my tummy.

We had a tête-à-tête about two weeks ago and he then confided with me that he is in love with me... I answered that I couldn't tell how I felt at that time... Thing is.. We're a couple of weeks later and I still don't feel anything more than friendship... He in the meantime is talking about making a trip together and all kinds of other couples-stuff... And I'm also that stupid that I feel guilty wich makes me invite him to all kinds of social activities which nurtures his feelings even more...

I intend to have that talk with him but the moment to bring it up never seems to be the right time and I don't want to mess up a good and newfound friendship... On the other hand, he must have a clue... I don't take any initiative to kiss, cuddle and you know what... And last weekend when my mates talked about my lovelife I simply replied that I was still single (knowing very well that Blind-Date-Guy (BDG) was sitting right next to me...

But I'm going to have my talk with BDG, just to set things straight... I want to continue a (intimate) friendship with him as long as he knows how I feel about the subject.

I have already scheduled in a couple of dates with other guys... I AM STILL SINGLE, so I CAN HAVE OTHER DATES! And then there is Guy N° 1 who was the reason for this Cruel-heart-series (the guy with the hearing disorder who has the same name as me) who has been sending me more and more messages over the last few days... I did have major feelings for him and I'm afraid that, if I see him often I will fall for him once again... And I still don't know if he is right for me... Perhaps we're too much alike and such a thing could only end up in disaster...

It's a funny thing really... To the outsider I might seem like the perfect date, totally keeping his cool, easy yet reserved but really... I'm a mess...

I've been dating ever since I did the breaking up... I didn't date to find a new hubbie or anything but mainly for the fun of it... If it would turn out to be like something more was to come of it, I wouldn't have minded... But like I said, I'm a mess... I don't know how to juggle dating several guys at the same time, I don't know how to respond when they want to see me again because in their head a future with me in it has begun to unwravel in their dreams and hopes... I myself however have not had such feelings for ALMOST anyone...

I'm seeing a guy right now... He's mature, well experienced in everything he does, he's from a nice upbringing and the sex is GREAT but... what else??? I sure like him... But I only "like" him... I "like" my friends too... He's talked about the way he feels for me... I replied that I didn't know what I felt yet and for the time being, it seems that's a good enough answer for him... I'm seeing him more often than I had anticipated and I don't mind... But I don't want to uphold his fantasy also if nothing is to come from it... He's falling hard for me and haven't even made a little stumble yet... I'm taking the time to see if something can blossom and grow but I fear that it won't...

On the other hand, perhaps it's all in my mind... I'm sometimes a very practical person and when I compare his interests, his points of view and I look at mine, I see too many differences to overcome so perhaps I just kill the feelings I could have before they become anything real...

Then there's the ex... Last week I have been thinking about him a lot... About the thing that let to my heart growing cold for him, about the arguments that never got settled and about how I seem to get blamed and judged for it going wrong... It gets me angry sometimes... A relationship is about two people... So how did I become the bad guy in this one... And why won't anyone believe ME!!! Is it because I didn't have the strenght to keep on trying, keep on caring... Is it because the breakup came so sudden to the outside world?

When my heart got broken some two years ago, I started obsessing about it at first... I had troubles believing, trusting, feeling and I felt so angry... Yet I acted as if nothing had ever happened and all was like it was before... I played my part towards him, our friends, his family... I played my part... But when I got alone I started obsessing about it again... What if he hurt me again? What if tomorrow I wouldn't have a roof over my head anymore, what if he suddenly changed his mind again and wanted to break up again? I was scared, confused... I loved the boy and I still do to this day but I just couldn't love him as I did before... I hoped it would all become as it was again and for a while it seemed to go the right way but then we started living a rutt... I loved going out, he preferred watching the telly... I had things like choir-parties and music-school-performances wich he almost never attended anymore...

I let it grew apart and so did he... He didn't join me for sports anymore, so I continued without him, I joined a band, started taking sign-language-classes, became part of a board in my local deaf-club and in the end I just had my own life... I had given up on my housework as I didn't have the courage anymore... I didn't cook often anymore, I was mostly away in the evening and when I got home I went straight to bed...

My lover became my friend and the passion I once felt for him slowly died... He saw what was happening but when he tried to do something about it it was already too late... I had given up on my relationship but I just needed someone to tell it to me in my face... And that day when I felt really bad about about my life, I went to see a dear friend of mine to whom I tell almost everything... It was there that I suddenly realised that my relationship was over! There on that evening I took the decision for myself that my relationship was over and that I had to end it... The timing was all wrong... Valentines was coming up in two weeks, there was a family-trip right after that and I didn't know how to handle it... I figured I had to wait to tell him when the timing would be somewhat better but it never came to that... As I got scared I grew even more distant... When I was alone I would get panic-attacks about what I was going to have to do soon... I grew more and more distant and the night before valentines my ex couldn't take it anymore and asked me straight away what my problem was...

There was no use in hiding it anymore... I fessed up that I couldn't go on anymore... I couldn't... I broke his heart on that instant I think... I never expected him to react the way he did and immediately I felt guilty because of it... I had thought he would get very angry and that we would be fighting and screaming and shouting but we didn't... I broke his heart... I know it hurts because once my heart was broken just the same... the only difference was that I didn't change my mind and I stuck with my decision...

For this I am truly and deeply sorry...

Sometimes, the idea or the promise of a relationship is nicer than actually going for one... I think I'm just not ready... After having ended a 5 year relationship I have come into a "fun and games"-phase wich I enjoy too much! I'm really not looking for something longlasting!

Sure, I do miss the company when I'm lying alone in bed at night and I really miss sitting together with someone to watch some telly! At the end of the day however, these are all little things that just don't hold up against my bachelor-existance...

Ever since my break-up, I did fall for one guy for a while. ... However... There were some misunderstandings communication-wise wich led to certain fights and in the end we remained aquaintences and are befriended... It was because of him that I started this whole “Oh thou Cruel Heart”-series...I do sometimes think that I would fall for him again if I were to see him more frequently!

I don't know how what will happen and I don't even know exactly what I want yet... Perhaps the reason why I haven't felt almost any butterflies with all my dates is because I'm not ready??? I'm trying to self-analyse myself but it only begets me with more questions that need being answered as well...

Ah well...

So, turns out the guy who's been calling me a liar, hasn't been so upfront with me as well... He didn't confess or anything but I found out about a couple of things... such as his profession!

I was talking to a guy in Kokorico about my newfound stalker because I knew he had been asked to become a model for the stalkers agency... Funny thing was that he had told him that he was a teacher and he had told me he was an accountant in his fathers firm... Also the guy had filled in the forms as a potential model and posted them the traditional way instead using computurized mail... The forms had come back "adress unknown"

I myself had promised the Italian boy to make him his website and ever since he turned psycho on me he has been asking back his papers but he hasn't come for them... He has, however, threatened me with laywers and stuff if I didn't give back those papers... But to this day he still hasn't come for them...

Another funny thing - which he actually confessed - He didn't give me his real name... He told me when I faced him with the fact that I hadn't found his name listed anywhere, and that the firm he claimed we worked didn't exist...

On another note

Saturday, I was invited at blind-date-guy's house for a candlelit dinner... The guy used to be a chef and it really showed in the food he had prepared and the way he served it... The guy confessed to me that he had grown passionate for me and that he was in love with me... I replied that I didn't know what I wanted yet... We dropped the subject and continued a very very very pleasant evening...

I'll just have to see how things evolve... There are so many things I need to consider... First of all the age thing... He's a bit older than me, he has a very different taste in clothing, interior design, hobbies... These things wouldn't be a problem at first but they would sure become problems in the future I believe... I just don't have those lovy-dovy-gitty feelings yet... He's a nice guy for sure, and we get along great, but I'm just not ready to commit

Being single and dating is hard!

Ok... Call me names, tell hurtful things but don't EVER call me a liar!!! Ok, I have sometimes kept things hidden, but those were never serious things, but other from that I have almost never lied ever... I'm too bad at telling lies...

So the Italian boy... He's kinda obsessed with me... We finally had our first date two weeks ago and I saw him three times that weekend because we had fun... I told him on the following monday that I thought he was very sweet but that I really didn't have feelings for him... I told him we just weren't compatible about certain things and he begged me to get another chance to prove himself...

He got his second chance and I believe he did even worse than the first time, but he was a nice guy so I stayd friendly with him... If no relationship was meant to be than perhaps a friendship could exist...

But, the guy finally wore me down, the bad way... He has always had the tendancy to send me loads and loads of messages and one time I got mad because I asked him to stop doing it and he just kept on doing so asking me why I was like this and why I had suddenly changed and all when really I just wanted to continue sleeping (I was in bed at the time)...

We were able to set our differences aside, yet he still continued to message me in large numbers... I answered most of them in a polite way but I started to reply less and less... He got angry about that too... He also got very jealous of a person I had a set-up-blind-date with... I didn't even know about the blind date and he found out and was furious...

Now he thinks me and Blind-date-guy are an item, when really we aren't and he tells me I'm with him all the time... In reality I have a life and I have my music lessons, my weekend-plans with friends, my sporting-events and loads of other stuff..

He's calling me a liar but instead of just stopping all contact, he is, like, stalking me via sms... it's really annoying and I don't reply anymore... Hopefully it will all go away on it's own but somehow I fear the worst is yet to come!

Perhaps I should mail him about all the things he told me that didn't add up!!! Like adresse, employees, jobs, names... everything!!!

I'm furious

So what has this week been like?

I got quite upset on monday-evening/tuesday but I've blogged about this before... We cleared the air and we're back on track being friends again though he still keeps messaging me at the most inconvenient times and in large numbers...

PS: As I was so angry on tuesday, I glady accepted when someone from the internet asked me out for a drink... I would regret it later because the guy was a real idiot... No I mean a reaaaal idiot... Plus he was from lower social class and it really showed in the way he dressed, talked and handled himself... As he was whining about his life and stuff I just kept thinking "finish your damn drink already so I can leave"

On wednesday I got a message from a deaf friend asking me for a little help on an event he had planned the following day... I agreed to help and thus the next day I arrived at the cinema around seven-ish... I met my friend there and he told us we had to wait for one other person... I guess I should've known then but I didn't... It was when the other person had arrived I started to feel trapped and I was...

I was being set up for a blind date... The (hearing)guy was a good and personal friend who was looking to go out with some nice cute boys... My friend joined us for a drink to sorta break the ice and left afterwards leaving the two of us alone... We drank (I had wine) and after some nice conversation he asked me if I wanted to join him in going to a little place he knew that was real cosy to get a drink.. I accepted and together we drove to Jane's in Marke... Jane was a Jamaican woman and she was very hospitable... She even treated us with some jamaican tasties that were simply delish... The conversation was great and we even had some laughs with Nigel & Franscesca...A british duo (not a couple, or at least that was what they're respective partners would've thought at home)... The amused us with great stories about the foreign lands, great jokes and awesome company... It was so nice even I never really noticed how my glass of wine never emptied and a new glass replaced the almost finished one every time... Needles to say I was very very very very drunk (and that on a thursday)...

So being drunk on a thursday, having to work the next day... How was I to get home... I kinda was able to if I had really wanted, but I got an offer to stay the night with the man who lived closeby... So I followed him with my car and we arrived at his house... I won't say what happened from two-ish until four-thirty-ish but I do have some marks to show... (PS: poppers smell like ether and they don't do it for me!) I got one hour of sleep and rushed to work the next morning without having had breakfast or a change of clothes... I was a wreck...



Luckily it was friday so it would be a short day... There was a lot of work to do and It seemed like everyone had something for me to do that had to be executed rather quickly... I think I've never been so happy when the bell struck at a quarter to three, meaning I got to go home...

Arriving home I immediately undressed and got in to bed until six that evening as I had a date around seven to go to a birthdayparty at eight... The italian boy arrived at my house and together with a friend of mine and my sister we left for Kortrijk where the party took hold...

Party was great (but the italian boy was so very very quiet and I don't liked that about him) His wallet had been lost last week so he didn't have transportation at hand... He arranged for his dad (I know I would never call my parents to pick me up, but on the other hand, if the guy is used to having a chauffeur for work... Where do you draw the line, right?) So I entertained him until daddy arrived...

In two hours I'm meeting Italian boy again since he insisted on meeting me and showing me of to his friends... I know what you think... Don't mess with the guy's feelings but I'm trying not to do that... I've tolk him loud and clear that I don't have the feelings he has for me and he knew about the blind date (I wouldn't know how he found out about it)... I didn't lie about the blind date and I didn't make excuses... Why would I... I'm still single and I can meet whoever I please and I can do with them whatever I want... And I told him that as well... Many times already but the guy's persistant... And that is one quality I like about him... (Though it can be hell when he persistantly messages me)... He's persistant and he gives me more attention than I deserve or can handle...

We'll just see how this goes and in the meantime... I'm still having dates with other men and I'm just rocking the free word I guess...

Perhaps it's all because of being a libra but I have been indecisive all morning... Yesterday I wrote whilst being fully enraged that I had absolutely no interest in him but now I'm so curious about what he's going to pull of to try and conquer my heart...

In truth, I must admit, that I have been thinking about him non-stop ever since I got my first message a couple 'o weeks ago... And even now, after having seen him three days in a row, after having a minor fight I still think about him... Yet I do not feel in love... But I do dream away about how life could/would be with him...

But then again, why do I do that... Is it because he is loaded and would be able to offer me all the finer things in life or is it genuine... I don't want to start a relationship out of convenience because those always turn out in suffering and also, I really don't want to be that person...

I guess we'll just have to wait and see... Patience has NEVER been and will also NEVER be my strong point..

What does he have to prove to me?

- He needs to be part of the crowd when I'm with friends...
- He needs to be able to please me physically...
- He needs to show me that he could enjoy life and not just act out necessity...
- He needs to be able to slow me down when I'm over exited again...meaning, he needs to be able to control me without acting like the boss as I'm very dominant myself!